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Monday, 9 January 2012

Wishing You A Happy & Healthy 2012

Apologies for once again having not provided any content over the last fortnight- ( or now at time of publishing I believe it to be closer to three weeks of absence). I'm afraid to say that pain and spasms have rendered me nothing short of useless of late, but nonetheless I can't apologise enough to you for not having written.
I hope that in my absence, whatever your circumstances may be, that you managed to enjoy a wonderful Christmas and New Year with your friends and family gathered around you and in as little pain or discomfort as is at all possible for you..
Despite the pain and discomfort that I have been feeling over the last few weeks, the most important thing to me is that I have been blessed with exceptional people as my family members who have surrounded me over this festive period- and that to me is more important than anything.
I'm ashamed to say that I didn't cope with the additional pain that I have been experiencing lately very well on Christmas day itself.. When faced with having to be on ones most jovial behaviour on the 25th December, whilst also experiencing pain levels above and beyond any that I had felt in recent months, I simply didn't know what to do with myself. I sadly found myself once again niggly and irritated with the pain and taking it out on those closest to me, those who were there holding my hands and pluffing up my pillows. How could I?
I know that this is an area that I have discussed on here many times before, but it is one of the things that makes me more sad than anything about my situation- I don't want to take things out on my beloved family any more.
My pledge for this New Year, is that I don't snap at those I love however much pain I may be in. I imagine it is a very hard thing to comprehend for those of you who have never had to experience unrelenting pain, but from the many messages that I have received from those of you in similar circumstances to myself, I know that many of you reading this will not only understand, but will also know only too well the emotional pain that one feels as an after effect of such negative words and actions.
I love my family more than anything in this world and I feel such self-loathing that I should ever do anything but thank them profusely and love them for their unfaltering support and love.
My prayer for this forthcoming year is that I should find a deeper inner-strength in order to cope with my unrelenting pain better when I have people around me.
Before I lived through this challenge, (and when I am not experiencing incredible pain levels), I often ask myself the question that many of you are no doubt asking right now, of- ''how on earth can you bite the hand that not only feeds you, but cares, supports and loves you when you are at your lowest ebb?''.
This is one of my hardest subjects to write about, but one I feel is so important to cover, as when I have done so before, it has provoked such an unprecedented response from those of you who share my fortune, stating that it is also one of your hardest subjects to open up about to those around you.
That for me is why I write this blog; it gives me such support and encouragement to hear through your correspondence that you share my feelings pertaining to living with pain and physical restrictions. After living in such wilderness for so long without anyone to communicate with who could relate in such a way to the often difficult feelings I have about my new life- I so love to hear how it also helps you to have these common issues discussed openly.
I'm so grateful to have received more support and encouragement from you than I could have ever had hoped for.
I pray that this year is one blessed with peace, happiness and good health for you. For those of you who are fortunate enough to live an able-bodied, healthy life, I urge you to appreciate every day as much as you are able, as I personally look back with a degree of regret that I did not always live by such principles. I can now see that I too often took my active and healthy life for granted without stopping to look around at all I had and value it appropriately.
Regardless of my lesser physical abilities that I now live with, I am still so, so blessed in so, so many ways and have so much more than so many.
In those pain riddled hours of the early morning when all I can think about is doing whatever I can to numb my consciousness in order to simply bare the pain-I so often forget this fact and take what I have for granted.
I have fantastic family and faithful friends and through writing this blog I now have those of you out there whom I share a unique affinity with and a comfort to know that I am not living this physical and emnotional test alone.
To all of you mentioned above and to those of you who read this blog to simply find out a little more about what it is like to live with chronic pain or disability- I thank you profusely for making the effort to break down the boundaries of our general perception of  such people living with these challenges- I wish you all a wonderful 2012.
Speak to you soon folks. Happy and healthy New Year to you all.