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Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Knocked Sideways

 I hope that you had a wonderful weekend. My most sincere apologies for there having been a longer than desired break from posting. Although I had anticipated being away for the weekend, as I visited family and had the most wonderful pre-Christmas get together- I had unfortunately not anticipated experiencing the degree of back spasms and leg twinges at heights I had not felt in a long time, on top of also catching my brothers stinking rotten cold and sore throat!
Although my back twinges and spasms have never gone away entirely since my spinal surgery, they have most certainly become secondary to the nerve pain in my legs: however, their return with avengeance has completely knocked me sideways- literally!
I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't currently feeling an element of anticipation at the presence of these symptoms, as I am currently awaiting scans to be taken and then sent on to my surgeon, for him then to determine whether the structure of my spine, and crucially that of the disc above the one that was operated upon, is stable enough for me to carry a child.
Although I know that these pains and spasms may not necessarily mean that there has been any change in the said structure, I am also aware that the symptoms I have been feeling are exactly that of what I was warned to keep an eye out for.
(Extra stress is put upon any disc above or below a removed disc, and the discs often then require surgery themselves).
These feelings may well simply be a warning to me from my body, not over do it, as well as to not let myself get so excited and encouraged about the prospect of being given the green light for having children, after our recent appointment with the maternal medicine consultant deemed me safe (from her aspect alone) to have children on my morphine and other drugs.
With something that means so much to me, I can not help but be concerned that these new symptoms may be potentially problematic, and I suppose that there is an element of self preservation in preparing myself for the worst case scenario.
I am finding it harder than ever to press 'send ' on today's post- for once not because I am over analysing my grammar, but today because I have kept these symptoms that I am feeling from my Mum so far, as I have not wanted to cause her increased stress and worry.
Hers, ( along with my Dad's, brother's, husband's and extended family's) lives are affected enough by my condition, (both practically and emotionally) and the fluctuations there are in  it, and I hate having to cause them pain in any way as they are the very thing that keeps me going and the people who comfort me when I am struggling with any element there of it.

On that note as the spasms and twinge pains crank up once again and my cold symptoms require me to go and utilise my entire supply of Vicks's, Olbas Oil and Lemsips- I bid you farewell until tomorrow.
I pray that you are safe and healthy yourself this evening. Sleep well everyone.

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