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Thursday, 17 November 2011

Quite A Week

Apologies for my absence yesterday, but I was a little under-the-weather in a sense that was not just my usual increased pain and Arachnoiditis symptoms.
To give you a brief catch up on this week's events, the previous day- Tuesday, was our much anticipated first appointment with a specialist to establish whether I will be capable of conceiving and carrying a baby with my spinal injury and subsequent surgery, along with my degenerative neurological condition.
Well it may be only the first step along a very long and testing road indeed, but it was a steady step in the right direction at least and whatever the outcome, establishing the facts is most definitely a positive thing for Garry and I after so many years of speculation and concern.
The expertise of the consultant with whom we met, was maternal medicine, and this kind and informative doctor primarily helped us to learn of the risks associated with the medication that I have no choice but to take throughout any potential pregnancy.
For me the most shocking and upsetting revelation, came in my husband and I learning that should we proceed with any pregnancy in the future, then our baby would be subjected to morphine through the placenta and would require treatment for the withdrawal of said morphine once the poor little mite had entered the world. This addiction would naturally cause discomfort and the possibility of respiratory symptoms or seizures, although we were also reassured that as they would be aware of and monitoring this situation from the offing, then these risks would be minimised as much as is at all possible.
Wow! What a lot to take in; and that's only one element of the problems with any potential pregnancy!
I knew this road would be a difficult and draining one, but I must keep reminding myself that whatever the future may hold in this respect, then it is important for Garry and I to learn of the truth so that we can move on from this difficult limbo period, and perpetual feeling of 'what if'?
I'm afraid that even writing about this situation is draining for me right now and with that thought I hope that you'll excuse me to escape to my slumber!
Bed is calling me. Thoughts are whirring around my head like bumble bees drunk on summer sunshine and
I pray that sleep is not far away.
I am also this evening racked with worry for my four legged baby, ( Barley dog), who I have this evening found to have two lumps directly below his eye.
The sickness I am feeling in the pit of my stomach at the worry that anything may be wrong with my boy, only goes to show how much I adore and live for this faithful, four-legged companion, who has selflessly kept me going through the darkest of times and whom I regard as my baby boy himself!
Weird maybe, to those non-pet lovers amongst you- but to those of you who have ever shared a bond with such a charming creature, I'm sure you appreciate the parent like responsibility and worry that I am feeling for my little Barls right now.
I love him with all my heart and pray to God that he is well.
On that note, I'm off to give him one more cuddle before my eyelids give out on me!
Night night... 

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