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Monday, 7 November 2011

A New Path

Apologies once again for my lack of contact for a few days, but I have recently gained the assistance and guidance of what I can only describe as my shrink , (to annoyingly coin an extremely American term), who is trying to get to grips with and sort out, my poor pacing skills by restricting the posting of my blog to a few times a week.
The reason that I call this lady ‘my shrink’, is because I know not what her correct title is if I’m honest- counsellor, therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, CBT instructor- everyone of these terms I have used in front of her has been dismissed as incorrect without the offering up of a term that she is happy with; so for now- shrink it is! The reason that she has come into my life, is I believe because I subjected the psychological services department in my local area to my incessant complaining that I hadn’t received any psychological support for the five years that I have been disabled; whilst also informing them of my quest to spread the word that this has not been so and must certainly not be the case for those people who are a few paces behind me on this path of coping with and accepting their disability.
Whatever the true reason may be, I am extremely pleased and grateful to finally be receiving some emotional assistance, at a time when I think I’m really going to need it!
Next week, my husband and I will embark upon a journey we have been anticipating taking for some time now- the beginning of a series of hospital consultations to establish whether my spinal injury and degenerative neurological condition combined, will permit me to physically conceive and carrying my own child.
If the case is that these complications will prevent us from having children ourselves, then we will then embark upon a path of exploration of alternative paths to parenthood.
This process is naturally going to be an emotionally difficult time, so I believe that this period of counselling has come at an extremely opportune moment in time.
Besides this impending exploration, the primary points that have been touched upon thus far in my ‘shrink sessions’ are the problems that I have with pacing myself, along with the guilt that I all too often feel over my inability to be quite the friend that I would so love to be to those friends of mine who've stood by me through the difficult times that I've been confined to bed unable to even have conversations by any means.
Those of you who have been following my ramblings for some time now, will no doubt be aware of these concerns that I have and how at times these concerns can consume me.
The whole point of me pouring out my heart about things such as this, (which may well feel trivial to some), is that I believe that these are issues that occur to many people who become disabled, yet are not generally issues that are talked about, or indeed that perhaps occur to people who are unaffected by disability when they think of problems that disabled people may face.
I believe that the issues that we may encounter exploring potential parenthood also fall into this bracket of problems that do not occur to people when they think of others becoming disabled- this is precisely why I am intending to lay myself bare during my discovery of my destiny in this area.
On that note, I must heed the warnings of my shrink and keep to the 3hr limit on typing my post, (my concentration issues pertaining to my morphine intake cause even the smallest of tasks to take five times as long as they did prior to my life with a disability)- I’d like to wish you all a very good night and I hope that you all sleep soundly and do not experience the pain induced insomnia that I am currently experiencing each night- 4am can be such a lonely time!

Before I sign off this evening, I’d just like to take a moment to acknowledge and send my prayers and general thoughts to, all of those who were involved in, or have been affected by, the dreadful motorway crash in Taunton on Friday evening. That area of the M5 is one very familiar to my husband and me, as it is where we so often travel at that same time on the start of a weekend when we are visiting Garry’s family who live just a few miles from where the tragedy took place.
I pray for all of those still in hospital or facing a physically altered life ahead of them, as well as of course for those who have so tragically lost loved ones.
God bless you all.

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