Whatever the true reason may be, I am extremely pleased and grateful to finally be receiving some emotional assistance, at a time when I think I’m really going to need it!
Next week, my husband and I will embark upon a journey we have been anticipating taking for some time now- the beginning of a series of hospital consultations to establish whether my spinal injury and degenerative neurological condition combined, will permit me to physically conceive and carrying my own child.
If the case is that these complications will prevent us from having children ourselves, then we will then embark upon a path of exploration of alternative paths to parenthood.
This process is naturally going to be an emotionally difficult time, so I believe that this period of counselling has come at an extremely opportune moment in time.
Besides this impending exploration, the primary points that have been touched upon thus far in my ‘shrink sessions’ are the problems that I have with pacing myself, along with the guilt that I all too often feel over my inability to be quite the friend that I would so love to be to those friends of mine who've stood by me through the difficult times that I've been confined to bed unable to even have conversations by any means.
Those of you who have been following my ramblings for some time now, will no doubt be aware of these concerns that I have and how at times these concerns can consume me.
The whole point of me pouring out my heart about things such as this, (which may well feel trivial to some), is that I believe that these are issues that occur to many people who become disabled, yet are not generally issues that are talked about, or indeed that perhaps occur to people who are unaffected by disability when they think of problems that disabled people may face.
I believe that the issues that we may encounter exploring potential parenthood also fall into this bracket of problems that do not occur to people when they think of others becoming disabled- this is precisely why I am intending to lay myself bare during my discovery of my destiny in this area.
On that note, I must heed the warnings of my shrink and keep to the 3hr limit on typing my post, (my concentration issues pertaining to my morphine intake cause even the smallest of tasks to take five times as long as they did prior to my life with a disability)- I’d like to wish you all a very good night and I hope that you all sleep soundly and do not experience the pain induced insomnia that I am currently experiencing each night- 4am can be such a lonely time!
I pray for all of those still in hospital or facing a physically altered life ahead of them, as well as of course for those who have so tragically lost loved ones.
God bless you all.