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Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Dealing With Pressure

Apologies for my lack of post last night, but I'm afraid to say that I am not currently coping very well with that age old problem of too much to do in too little time.
My issues are of course small fry to what so many of you deal with on a day to day basis and I want to stress that by telling you this I am by no means angling for your sympathy or empathy, I merely feel that it would be wrong of me not to discuss something that is such a big part of my life right now- trying to accept my disability and what emotionally goes hand in hand with that.
I used to be the girl who had it all and did it all to the best of her ability- I always made sure that the t's were crossed and i's were dotted, even if it took me all night to do so; my body's inability to keep up with life anymore, along with my mind's unwillingness to focus so much of the time due to the cognitive issues that I have as a result of my morphine intake, really frustrate me when they prevent me from keeping up with family, friends and daily tasks.
As I am never strong enough to complete all of the tasks that I set out for myself each day, I am left with an ever growing backlog which invariably leaves me feeling like a failure as a climb into my bed each night.
This is an issue which is an ever growing one for me as a significant side effect of my medication is also anxiety, paranoia and depression- as a result of this, issues that used to give me mild panic for a minute or two, now consume me day and night.
I am currently discussing this issue, along with many others pertaining to my new disabled life, with a psychologist.
She tried to persuade me that I am sometimes a little hard on myself considering my circumstances and that perhaps I should appreciate that I am not the person I once was, so I can't carry on expecting the same and more as I did before.
Part of me is aware that this is a character trait deeply ingrained in me and is not necessarily something that should be beaten out completely, but something to be considered in a rational way, in a way that measures and understands that my limitations are now a little different to that which they were before, so perhaps I should now be thinking of a different way of dealing with things?
This is what I currently ponder day and night. How do you adapt and overcome?
It is a question that I will continue to discuss- but now, now I am off to bed accepting that I can not complete my unrealistic list of tasks and instead trusting in the fact that I will do my best in everything that I attempt tomorrow.
Goodnight everyone. Tonight the thing that is making me smile is my realisation that the world won't end if I don't complete my daily tasks.

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