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Monday, 26 September 2011

Absent Without Leave

Hey everyone.

I must apologise most profusely for not being in contact at all over the weekend. I'd love to say that this Absence Without Leave was because I was out 'living it up' around our capitol, drinking bubbles with friends in lovely bars and eating scrummy food in fancy restaurants as planned. To be frank with you, I'd even settle with reporting back to you that I had spent my weekend merely sipping 'White Lightening' in a dodgy pub with a sticky floor, questionable decor and an even more questionable odor- however alas, both of these stories would be quite untrue and the genuine tale is unfortunately considerably less memorable or indeed exciting!

Sadly my weekend was quite a lonely one, as after catching what I beieve to be a bug/virus, I was too poorly to look after my Barley dog, so he consequently had a break from his smothering mummy to instead enjoy a wonderful weekend being spoilt rotten by my amazing friend and her lovely labrador!

The few words that I did manage to muster before succumbing to yet another migraine and crippling neurological pain amalgamation, were as follows...

Saturday 24th September-

Disappointment, pain, confusion and frustration- these are the feelings that have consumed me today.

As such, today's post consists solely of this frank, if a little negative sentiment.

This blog is here to spread the message of positivity through examples of bravery over adversity with my Reason to Smile stories, however it is also here to give a frank insight into what living a life with chronic pain, or a disability in general, is really like.

Today I have had to miss my dear friend's Hen Do and I want to punch a wall, smash a window and scream my apartment block to the ground all at once- but thankfully for my walls, windows and neighbours, (and perhaps even my fists!), I don't have the strength to do any of the above and am therefore instead settling for just plain old tears and sniffles.

One of the changes in my life that has occured as a result of my disability and subsequently saddened me more than many things in my life, is the fact that I am now unable to commit to events such as my friend's Hen Do without the knowledge that there is an all too high probability that I will be unable to attend due to my disability preventing me from doing so.

Well true to the very words that I was writing- that was all that I managed to write before yet another migraine ensued once more.

Although I always try my best to keep my spirits high, I can not help but sometimes become consumed by my own self pity and sadness.
Despite me desire to write a blog which is enjoyable to read for those who chose to take the time to do so- I never the less feel a duty to take this opportunity to also enlighten people of the negative feelings that so often take hold of me when I have to let down those so dear to me- so at the risk of writing that which may be a little uncomfortable to read, I nevertheless chose to share these frank emotions with you today.

With or without me, I know that my friend would have had a wonderful night on Saturday and I can count myself extremely lucky to have been blessed with a couple of hours with her 'cosy stylie' on my sofa with take away, PJs and even a sip or two of 'bubbles' on Friday night.

My friend is VERY dear to me indeed and she is someone who has always been there for me throughout my happy and challenging times- in my eyes the mark of an incredible person.

I love this friend so much and it is the thought of her about to marry the person she loves so much that is making me smile today.

Enjoy the happiness of others, even when your own may presently have been compromised.
Until tomorrow...

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